belgita: (Default)
Mr. Clean Where are You?
#FLYLADY <flylady@flylady.net>
To: You
23 June 2013, 16:12

Dear Friends,
Today I woke up at the crack of dawn with this topic in my head. The midnight editor
strikes again. So here we go. Look out this one is going to be
tough.
As FlyBabies we have a tendency to obsess about everything and I mean everything.
We can take the simple act of cleaning our bathrooms and spend all day in there getting it just perfect. You all know exactly what I mean. Once we have gotten it
presentable it is time redecorate. So we run to the store and buy new stuff or worse
yet spend 5 hours on our hands and knees with a tooth brush cleaning the grout in
the tile. I am not even going to address the need to repaint when a little soap and water would have sufficed. If a little will work, fine then a lot will do better.
This is our personality.
The trouble is sometimes we cannot see what we are going to ourselves because of
this overwhelming urge to do it right. It is almost like we are trying to fill
a need to be accepted, approved, or loved. We all need strokes, but we cannot expect
the world to give them to us.
When we are in the middle of our manic phase every thing else in our lives if left
to fend for themselves: So when you emerge from that so-called perfect bathroom the rest of the house is in shambles. Be sure as you stand up from your prone position
to get a glimpse of yourself in the bathroom mirror. It is not a pretty sight. You
look like something the cat has drugged in. I would say that drugged is the right
word here. Drugged as in over dosed on your perfectionism.
When are we going to learn about our little triggers and stop ourselves from obsessing
or hyper-focusing? We also do this with people in our lives. We think that if only
we could get so-and-so to love me more; I would be alright. Well if this person does not love you now and their actions do everything but slap you in the face; chances are they are never going to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
So what are you going to do about this? Sit around and feel sorry for yourself. That doesn't accomplish anything but a pity party that no one wants to attend but
you. Whining is the most unattractive thing that you can do to yourself. It makes
you feel defeated and passes the blame for your inaction onto others. You know exactly
what I am talking about. Those martyred attitudes we have had hammered into our heads from our mothers and grandmothers since the day we were born.
For years now I have been telling you that you don't have to clean like your mother
did. That we can do it our way and 15 minutes at a time. It doesn't have to be perfect
because no one is going to make you go back in there and redo it. I promise. This
is your home and you get to clean however you choose. With that being said; we don't
have to act like our mothers either. This goes for the whiny martyred attitude and
blaming that we have all been guilty of most of our lives. Before we knew what we
were doing we may have had a little excuse for our behavior, but now it is unacceptable
because you are no long ignorant of this personality flaw.
Yes you heard me right. Whining, martyrdom and blaming others is a personality flaw
that we can correct. It is not about being a perfect person either. It is just to
change a few habits that will make your life easier and get
you off of your pity pot. After all: has any of this whining, martyrdom and blaming
ever changed anything? So why keep doing something that has never worked and only
succeeds to pull you down further into your deep hole of depression.
Did you know that you cannot change anyone's behavior but your own? Try as you might
all you can do is set the example in love: and this is love for yourself. Not anyone
else at all. So if you pick up the stuff that is out of place in the living room
that belongs to your teenage sons and put it in their rooms: You are not doing
it for them! You are doing it for you, because you deserve to have a living room
that is presentable to you and no one else. If their stuff
bothers you then move it. Don't sit around all day feeling sorry for yourself that
no one helps around here. You have two arms and 15 minutes. Everyone has 15 minutes.
It won't even take that long.
You could spend all day fussing or 2 minutes doing. Which one is better for you:
The less stress or a raging battle with yelling and ugly words? Now here is the
other side of this coin. This is your home too. Setting the example in love for
yourself is going to rub off on them. They will eventually see that they deserve
to live in a home that is a present to them as well. Now you may have to have a talk over dinner about what you are trying to do. You may even have to apologize
for not doing your part in the past, but you can raise some eyebrows with your
attitude adjustment.
If you are cleaning the house for others then you have missed my point altogether.
No one is going to love you more than you love yourself. You cannot clean your home
enough to make someone love you. It doesn't work that way. Besides even if you are
single you deserve to have a huggable home to greet you each time you walk in the
door. So what are you waiting for: Your knight in shining armor to charge through
your door and fix everything? Well sister he died a long time ago. Oh by the way
Mr. Clean is not going to pop in either.
If you want to see a change it has to start with you and only you because you are
the only person that you can change. Your attitude will set your altitude. You can
either be wallowing in your pity pot or soaring high as we FLY to new levels of loving ourselves each and every single day!
Now go get dressed to your lace-up shoes and fix your hair and face. It is bad enough
to act like your mother, but to walk in the bathroom and scare yourself by looking
like her is kind of hard to take in the morning. Even if your mom was gorgeous: you know exactly what I am talking about.
Are you ready to Finally Love yourself by letting go of your whiny martyred and blaming attitudes?
FlyLady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump
in where we are. O.K.?
Words can be KIND or MEAN; the CHOICE is yours in 2013!
belgita: (Default)
Morning Musing: A Swimming Lesson to Help You FLY
#FLYLADY <flylady@flylady.net>
To: You
28 June 2013, 17:10

Dear Friends,
Do you ever feel like you are barely able to keep your head above water? You keep
treading water and you never seem to get anyplace. Are you are drowning in chaos
and do your struggles keep you exhausted and gasping for air?
Are you waiting for someone to save you? I can't save you but you can save yourself.
You have to be willing to stop the struggle and relax. I know that this is hard to believe because we are comfortable doing things the way we have always done them.
We don't even know there is another way to survive and really live without having
to fight for every breath.
When you first learned to swim your teacher taught you how to float. You just lie
back in the water and relax and before you know it you are floating without any effort on your part. Your breathing is slow and calm. Your limbs are relaxed and
you feel free. But you had to be willing to lie back and relax. If you struggled
you would sink. It is that willingness to let go that keeps you afloat.
This is what our routines do for you! You have to willing to try a few of the habits
before bed and a few more in the morning. These little habits free you up to float
through your day. By just starting with a simple Control Journal you can practice
letting go of your perfectionism. You don't always have to be in control; you can
turn on your automatic pilot and allow your routines do the work to keep your head
out of the water.
Floating is the simple part, now we have to learn how to propel ourselves through
the water. I am going to teach you the strokes and you are never going to believe
how easy this really is. All you have to do is stroke yourself as in be attentive
to your needs and take care of you. Go to bed at a decent hour, eat good healthy
food, drink your water and listen to your heart.
As you relax and let your routines keep your head out of the water; you are going
to be more apt to hear your own needs. Before, the thrashing of your arms and legs
along with the stress of feeling like you were drowning had kept you from be able
to listen. As things start to calm down you will have new ears to hear.
You can do this! After all what you have been doing just has you treading water furiously and you are barely keeping your head above the waves. I will meet you on the other side of the water. I will be waiting for you with my pretty umbrella
tropical drink and the peace that comes from letting go of my perfectionism. Perfectionism
is not a life line. Routines make your house a home and turn just surviving into
living a full and productive life!
Wake up to your pretty sink and rise and shine yourself! Your willingness to let
go is the key to Finally Loving Yourself.
Float, Stroke and FLY!
FlyLady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump
in where we are. O.K.?
Words can be KIND or MEAN; the CHOICE is yours in 2013!
belgita: (Default)
Testimonial:Mono Isn't Holding Me Back!

Dear FlyLady,
Previously when I've been ill, my life has spiraled out of control.
I live with my parents, so I really only have one room to keep clean-- but my goodness,
a lot of grossness can fit into one room! However, although I've been sick with
mono for the past three weeks (headaches first week, tired and fevers second week,
and sore throat now!) my room has never been so clean!
I've also been doing really well with eating enough, drinking enough and resting
enough. And it's all because of you! My routines have been keeping me going. When
my clothes are laid out the night before, it doesn't seem so difficult to get up
and go to work when I need to.
And it's wonderful coming home to a clean, restful space with a neatly made bed--
I can lie down right away to get the rest I need. And I was going to bed at a reasonable
hour like you say even before I got really sick, so I think my immune system is definitely being helped.
I usually get very dehydrated and lose a lot of weight when I get sick. I drank water all last month because you kept reminding me, and so it's been a lot easier
to remember, "Oh, if I get up and get a drink RIGHT NOW, I'll feel better!" And similarly, "I know you don't feel like eating, but you can do anything for fifteen
minutes [http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001d2qj_685uF4sLkBNGlnr0xcPQGAA1-nTUkfOUk-6TljLYD5VcfgVoOZjc_QFOKZkimI4i7zXL5hKuWKN9-vxoXhQRpu6bhFSVKdMRn9j-bN5rhz0sJehhnTZtdCYUS5KbJYo2bMwAMTByhrsDOg8TNUYEs4wK22k2o7n-G6aoPMSs7ld3rcRrL9jJVW5s4fGedMePNomvGSOylWrTleqMOvolPhm4RPFf2ATHKnx03r63JTyHf077jJpxj4MjHEDhJwrwCnXCGC9CY-v0Rzb9QayHmEVQN7cW0Y4Gs_4Rj-edJ2vGg0avrMAcaddWjvl]!
Spend fifteen minutes making your meal pretty and tasty and I know you'll eat it
up!" And I do!
On days when I feel a worse, I don't beat myself up if I can't do everything. And
on days when I feel better, I cheer myself on ("You totally just threw away all those cough drop wrappers and trash from your nightstand! Great job, me!").
Anyway, they say getting lots of rest, good food, and water is the best way to recover
from illness, and usually I don't get any of those when I'm sick. So thank you so
much for making sure I take care of myself and teaching me that I can get a lot done without wearing myself out!
When school starts again in the fall, I'm going to keep using you as my resource
to handle life!! Even if I'm still sick, I know I can do it if
I just FLY through it! Thank you!
Love,
A Sick Flybaby
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump
in where we are. O.K.?
Words can be KIND or MEAN; the CHOICE is yours in 2013!
belgita: (Default)
You know what you love to do. Don’t take yourself for granted either. If you don’t take care of you, who will?
belgita: (Default)
Dear Friends,

This morning has been one God Breeze right after another. Everything that has happened today has connected to this essay about depression and how I found out the importance of taking care of me.

Depression is a sadness that I understand. I know this pain: The pain of feeling so overwhelmed that I didn't known where to start and then I just sat in a chair for days: The pain of feeling so alone and no one loves you: The pain of being separated by miles from your family and close friends. The pain of having no money for food and never feeling like you can get ahead: The pain of not knowing how I was going to get a flat tire fixed with only 13 cents in the bank. I could go on with this for a very long time. I now know that many of the reasons that I have suffered with these problems is so I can help you. It is never easy to pull yourself out of the pit of despair. It can be done; this takes recognizing that is where you are and wanting to get out of the pit; then it takes specific steps to get help and to help yourself; and it involves taking care of you.

Many times we feel that the earth has just opened up and swallowed us with no way to find our way back to the surface and the sunshine of life. Here is one of the messages I opened this morning.

*********************************
Dear FlyLady,

This is really not a testimonial but I have been trying to fly now for over a year and the little bit I have done is wonderful but I have hit a brick wall and wanted to know if this is normal? Right after I started flying (which I heard about from the girl who cuts my hair) I became ill. They did all kind of tests and really couldn't find anything. Now they are saying it is depression and stress. I am a Payroll SHE and not only am trying to keep my house in order but also my office. I am sending you this e-mail because I feel like I am a failure at flying. I know you are saying no one is a failure but I am beginning to think so. My sister-in-law and her mother ( and a few other people I know) started flying two months ago and their house is organized I hate going there because I feel guilty. I cannot even read your testimonials any more because they make me feel like a failure. The Holidays are coming and I'm not looking forward to them at all and it gets worse all the time. Right now my house looks like a tornado went through it and we are living in a pile of clutter.

I know you are always saying to take Baby Steps and I am trying but I feel like I am beyond help. AM I? I guess I am looking for some kind of reassurance.

Drowning In Pennsylvania!

*********************************
Dear Drowning in Pennsylvania,

I am not a doctor or a psychologist; I am just one of you who has suffered with depression three times in my life and I am living proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel. My first depression came as a result of the death of a step-parent, a bad marriage, and feeling out of control and overwhelmed by every thing that needed to be done during the holidays. The stress of it all just zaps the energy right out of you. It didn't happen overnight. I felt myself slipping into this hole for about 6 or 7 months. I just didn't know what was happening to me the first time I fell into this hole. It took a friend to notice and she got me the help I needed. I am so thankful that I was willing to listen and follow her lead when I was not able to do it on my own. It is my turn to help you by bringing this to your attention and helping you to babystep your way out of this hole. I don't know why I have been picked to do this; I just know that it has to be done. So here goes. Follow me!!

The first time I was depressed(1990), I was put into a hospital for 10 days. It was a treatment facility for co-dependency and addiction. I didn't think I had an addiction; boy was I wrong. I was stuffing my feelings with food and feeling more and more depressed by the lack of love in my life. Food was the cocoon that kept me insulated from the real problems. As long as I could stand in front of the refrigerator and stuff my face and cry; I didn't really have to think about or deal with the fact that my marriage had fallen apart.

I felt like such a failure that I didn't want to live. That scared me big time. I wanted to be happy and I had no clue how to accomplish this. In my all or nothing thinking; I felt that I could just flip a switch and everything would be better. There is no magic pill or switch that is going to immediately change the way you think. It is a process of recognizing your stinking thinking and replacing those negative thought patterns with constructive actions.

This is what I learned in treatment. I have told this story before and some of you will recognize it; so please stay with me. When I walked through the door of the treatment facility; I looked and felt awful. I had long stringy hair that was oily, I had on sweat pants and a sweat shirt that I hid behind and I had no energy. I roomed with two women that were thin and beautiful. Their assignment was to give me a make-over.

Yea right! Make me look pretty! That was something that was never going to happen. How could I be pretty when I felt so yucky inside? This is the most important lesson that I teach. Now I am crying my eyes out! I had to live this to help you! It was not easy to get into my head, but I didn't have to understand it for it to have an effect on me.

They had me take a shower and wash my hair; then they had me dress in some of the clothes that I had brought with me. I don't remember what it was; but I remember that they accessorized me with earrings, a scarf, and tucking my shirt in my pants. We made do with what we had. They let me borrow a few items from their suitcases too. The most amazing part was fixing my hair and face: A little blow drying and curling can work wonders. Then they put a little moisturizer and make-up on me. I have never worn much anyway so they kept it very simple. The result was astounding; to me and the rest of my treatment group.

I felt better about myself and they all said I carried myself differently. I was no longer slouching and frowning; I had my shoulders back and my head lifted high. I felt empowered. This was a very simple act that literally has changed my life and the lives of thousands. I am not saying at this time that I kept doing this every single day; but I had found the tool to help me get out of the slump when I felt myself falling back in the hole. It took me a while to get into the habit of dressing to shoes every day. I feel now that this is one thing that I do daily to insure my mental health.

Right now, if you are feeling yucky in any form or fashion; just puny, PMSing, draggy, pitiful, lonely, angry, tired or anything else: I want you to go hop in the shower and go get dressed to shoes; fix your hair and face too. Then you can come back and finish reading this essay.

As FlyBabies we forget: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!! We forget to take care of ourselves. Even though we take care of everyone else, sometime we forget to do things for ourselves. So ask yourself these questions.

Have I had any water today? I am not talking about liquid either like 3 cups of coffee or soft drinks! If you have not, then go turn up about eight ounces right now: I just did!

Did you eat today: Breakfast, Lunch and a nutritious snack? Have you had any vegetables or fruits today?

Now here is the biggy! Have you gone for a brisk walk outside today? I am not talking about a grueling 7 mile hike; I am just asking for 7 minutes out and 7 minutes back home again. We need sunshine; there are some days in the winter that we just don't think that the sun is ever going to shine again. Walking three times a week will help to keep depression away. Get out there anyway; even if you have not seen the sun for days! You will feel better if you will just move. I know you are saying I am too tired to get up and move right now, but just do it for 2 minutes. You will feel energized! Even just a little is more than you were doing. You can do it!

When you get angry do you let it fester inside of you? Women tend to do this. Men on the other hand like to stomp and bluster which makes us uncomfortable because that is not the way we deal with anger. This took some getting used to for me when I married Robert. The only time I ever saw anyone get angry it was usually directed at me. Robert is a very calm collected man and never gets angry or frustrated; unless he is working on a car!!!! Once he had been installing our anniversary present on his little convertible car. He asked me what I wanted for our anniversary and I said a roll bar for your car! He ordered it and he started installing it, but not without a few tossed hammers and screw drivers. This is how he vents.

Imagine that! Expelling anger and frustration and not doing it toward another person. When I was in treatment; they wanted me to beat up a pillow. I still don't get a release from doing that; I actually was uncomfortable with that action. It was not until my third bout with depression that I found my release valve! In the past, I would go to the refrigerator and eat or because the house was a symptom of some of the problems; I would clean like a banshee; daring anyone to talk to me. I would push myself into exhaustion so I would not have to deal with it; whatever IT was. Oh and I would retreat to my bed and cry for hours and pout! None of this ever did me any good. Here is how I deal with anger now.

I WRITE! I write till it all spills out of me. One sentence at a time and I have released the anger and sometimes I even come up with a solution. I don't even have to have a solution to see the problem clearly. I just start writing and somehow it all falls into place. I never know where I am going; I guess it is like throwing that hammer or beating that pillow; it has no rhyme or reason it just feels good to do it. Then I get into a tub of warm water to hug myself!

Another thing I learned in treatment was to slow down my mind and meditate. This was a way to relieve stress. They put on some calming sounds and darkened the room. Do you remember kindergarten when we had to take a nap! Imagine a room full of 40 adults on mats with their eyes closed, listening to sounds of ocean waves. We took ourselves on a trip to the beach or to a park. We could walk away from our troubles just by closing our eyes and going someplace else in our minds. You can do this too.

Try it now; just sitting in your chair. Close your eyes and think of a stream with water trickling over the rocks and down a small waterfall. What else do you see??? Then feel your body relax as the water takes your troubles downstream. OK, Do this now! This is another tool that I use quite often to help me relax and relieve stress. Just concentrate on slowing your breathing down and taking deep breaths. Feel your muscle tension leave with each breath exhaled.

So you have read this and you don't have this problem it is just the bunch of inconsiderate slobs you live with! The house is a mess and you have 20 people coming on this weekend and you have no idea where to begin to get the house ready for a party. You are sitting here paralyzed because of your perfectionism. You want it all clean at once! Well sister it ain't gonna happen in this lifetime! You have to deal with your anger toward your family and the martyrdom you are feeling and get up on your feet and go shine your sink. You have to do it for you or you will be headed down that dark lonely path into despair.

After all we each deserve to live in a home that hugs us. If you are feeling bad because yours makes you want to run and hide; then it is time to get up and do something about it instead of blaming others and whining. It all starts with you! You can't change anyone else, all you can do is change the way you react to them.

Depression comes at you from all sides; you can't give in to it. Recognizing it is the first babystep out of the pit! We have the tools if you will just pick them up and use them. You are not alone. We are all one big cyber-family! Now take your first babystep!

I love you all, this is the hardest thing I have ever written. I want for you what I have; Peace. This peace came from establishing simple routines to maintain my mental health.

Are you ready to join me?
belgita: (Default)
Про лечение? Пробовала свечи натальсид, облепиховые свечи, мази: релиф, гепатромбин, постеризан, адванс. это курсами, не все одновременно :) И диета, самое главное. Натощак стакан-два теплой воды, в кашу добавляю отруби ржаные, еще в обед перед едой 1 ст.ложку растительного масла(оливковое или др.)
belgita: (Default)
Have I had any water today? I am not talking about liquid either like 3 cups of coffee or soft drinks! If you have not, then go turn up about eight ounces right now: I just did!

Did you eat today: Breakfast, Lunch and a nutritious snack? Have you had any vegetables or fruits today?
belgita: (Default)
К дому нужно относиться как к живому, работа в нем должна быть осознанной, в нее нужно вкладывать позитивные эмоции, тогда энергетика дома будет позитивной и наполненной любовью.
Взаимодействуйте с вашим домом, относясь к нему с уважением и вниманием, тогда, придя домой после трудного дня, вы будете чувствовать спокойствие и гармонию.
Важно не то, что вы делаете, а то, каков результат этой работы. Вы хозяйка, вы создаете уют.

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